Had a lot to do on Saturday. I’m kind of an introvert — really loathe going out sometimes, just don’t find the joy that others find in crowded places, maybe it was 911 maybe its just the feckless nature of crowded places. Everyone looking at everyone else and not really engaging with the people with whom they went there. Plus everyone in my party loves going to this place and swears that the waiter loves me… Hate that matchmaking thing too.
Then the party began, I wore this beautiful backless dress, kept the jacket on cause you know a woman my size doesn’t need to be displaying the backfat in public. Let’s be respectful of people’s eyes. The dinner progressed — the party raved — it was everyone’s birthday, and the cute waiter was pouring tequila down my throat for five seconds. Everyone was recording that for post party shaming.
But post party party didn’t occur. When we left I got real sick. Was so sick I needed to go directly home and get rid of all the food that I ate, the drinks, the unlimited sangria, and the tequila.
Next morning I felt as if I was hungover — but a new kind of hung over. My jaw hurt as if I had a toothache — left jaw; my arm hurt — like a muscle strain (was I leaning on my arm too much)? My throat hurt — like it tightening -what is this? Finally I had a pain in my chest, like if I was squeezing water out of a rag. What a hangover? I decided to take two aspirin and brew a cup of coffee, light a cigarettes, and attempt to relax.
The pains would wax and wane. They would get worse when I laid down. I also decided to take a muscle relaxant. The next day I took my daughter to school and woke up feeling exactly the same. Began to drink some water and complained to coworkers that I was just not feeling myself. We agreed it was anxiety and I dealt with it again. Then on Tuesday I woke up still feeling the same. I decided I would head to the Emergency Room and just have it checked out and stop drinking tequila.
“Your troponin levels are slightly elevated — you are having a cardiac event.” — at 47. Inner me was asking what a Troponin was, outer me was doing the same. The answer: “something the heart excretes when its in trouble.” “We are admitting you to see what is going on”?
Inner Me: Maybe they are wrong, he did say slight and mild cardiac event. What is a mild cardiac event? How can any cardiac event be mild? Yes I had a lot of the symptoms women have but I could breathe. What about the amount of people who say they couldn’t breathe? Why was everyone asking me if I had trouble breathing? What is the cause of my Troponins?
Day One: The ER
Day Two: The Room in the Cardiac Unit.
Day Three: The Stress Test
Day Four: The Catheterization, Angioplasty, and Stenting.
Day Five: Goes Home
Day Six and on: The Debilitating Depression and Fear, and the Judgement of Family
